… with a bad thorn in your side. You there, my friend, with a winning air. Who pawned the lie on me when he looked brassly at my shyest secret. With my whole heart under your hammer. That though I loved him for his faults as much as for his good. My friend were an enemy upon stilts with his head in a cunning cloud. ~ Dylan Thomas”
You know who you are. So don’t look away so coy. I would withold my art from ‘the world’ out of rage, but I am in a self destructive mood these days (I have them, they compete with Winter Blues for the spot light) so I refuse.
Instead I choose to withold rage for the sake of what is left of my art or my-self, the line is fine. I will choose a sadistic rant in its place. The loss, I am sure – will linger longer – for you. I choose to deprive you for I do have a dark side silent though it slithers along the ground stitched to the soles of my feet. I will refuse my role as accomplice to your cathartic purge paid for – in full by my personal mea culpa much needed when the opiate tide runs dry. The lines that draw me, macabre cartoon of the Divine Virgin Mother, bind and restrict me is the very same frustration you keep at bay by being – busy, busy, busy. Never remains in the shadows though – does it?
And anyway Dylan Thomas says it better than I ever could, and so – I will let him. Most days this time of year in Melbourne, I am so exhausted by disappointment, boredom and general catatonic disinterest in respirating, I can barely lift my quill and stir my fill of witty insight and scribbles of transformation. So I won’t. Instead – I will provide a mediocre expression of the hum of self destruction growing well all around.
Here’s what I know, about you – my friend … actually, I am too tired just now ZZZzzzzz perhaps another time?
Days eChain 
Hello my Friend, yes that’s you my Friend from the other side of the world. I just want you to know that you are not alone in the dark, and there will always be dark days. I am also not well for the past few weeks. I think I was suffering from Anxiety. It was almost 8 weeks ago since I joined back to our ship.
I was so anxious to go back home for no reason. I had this fear that I might not be reunited with my Family before the Christmas season. I know that anxiety is just in my head but I just get avoid it. and I think my physical health is getting affected. I will greatly appreciate any advice from you. Thank you, Imogen, for your time!
-Nino =)
Heh heh Nino! Good to hear from you man! I confess, I wrote this post late at night when I was sick to the back teeth and dog tired of Winter. Since then … I can report the weather has begun to warm. And also fortunately for my husband – the sun has begun to break through the black cloud that was settling over my head. Around about the end of August wandering in to September, each year – every denizen of Melbourne experiences more or less the same fatigue with Winter. Then the winds bring Spring and its inspiring tide of pollen to comfort everyone. And we all start sneezing and moaning about that! Cannot be pleased.
I hear you in the run up to Christmas, where does the time go. Each year whips by faster and faster. Although as my life insurance provider observed to me earlier today – “You are still young Imogen!” Sometimes, especially in Winter – I wonder what I am doing with my time. But the wiser more detached part of me, knows it is just a phase.
Anxiety is not great dude! At the same time, I sense a message in there – for you. Sounds like it is time, opportunity permitted to head home and spend time with the family. There is no medicine that can compare or work as well as a real connection. We all know, when we are home. And there is nothing like home. The place or person’s gaze where you are known, accepted and welcomed.
Hopefully my little blog gives a little of that while you are away. Peace to you my friend. Talk soon. Imogen
Thank you so much my friend, Imogen! 😊
You are really right about Anxiety, it’s areal pain in my brain and quite a heavy load at center of my heart.
But I need to overcome this and I will! I my for my family is far bigger that the anxiety inside of me!
I wish you will have a great summer, oh I miss Australia!
Thanks again😊
-Nino