Online Dating ~ How’s it Going? Good? Bad? So so?

So some of us are looking, some of us have had it with looking and are on the bench but sooner or later – you know it, something will lead you, shove you, message you or trip you back on to the dance floor.

Nothing like a bit of Comedy Cabaret to encourage everyone along. Here is Ginger and Tonic discussing the pitfalls of Online Dating with some impressive vocals …

How do we meet someone in the Post Techno Revolutionary World?

Not soooooo easy eh? Facebook promises much but delivers only – a promise. Those Glamour Shots and claims of competence in the field of Latin Dancing are … very errrr well … Do we expect – too much – maybe?

Emotions designed to help us connect to each other in the physical world, seem superfluous, unnecessary – trying to move through the fibre optic network. The whole meeting with the other has happened in the cyber space of our mind, long before we organised to meet in the world. And it went much better in there!

First things first, lots of us, just quietly, expect all the gold ‘love’ promises us to be delivered by the boatload if we click on a hyperlink. It’s hard not to, the Tech world lures us in to believing this is actually how things ‘work’.

If we can embrace the less sexy proverbial wisdom of “all good things come to those who wait” and ask ourselves a few hard questions – like “Who am I? Really?” and “How do I relate to myself?” or said another way, “What is my relationship with myself like?” then we are in a much better situation to figure out what kind of person we would work with in relationship.

There are a few other confronting questions that might help here, like – “What do I expect from a relationship?”, “From a partner?”, “From myself?” and more “What do I expect to receive?” and “What am I prepared to give?”, most of all – this is the clincher “What am I NOT prepared to give?”

Answers to these questions will help move through some invisible obstacles you might be perpetually smacking your head against. Firstly you will need to figure out whether or not your expectations of yourself, a partner and a relationship are reasonable. And secondly, are they achievable?

Chasing unreasonable expectations is a sure fire prescription for disappointment which will almost certainly morph in to resentment over time, and you will be back on the bench watching the world dance around you in pairs. Not ideal!

Having said that, sometimes it is good to catch your breath. All this self reflection and taking of personal inventories is in the too hard basket. On these days and in the short term – there is always chocolate!

Perhaps, a paradoxical intervention is required. Give something a go, that should not have anything to do with what you are trying to achieve.

Sing it in German!

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